Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My long overdue post to tell you about my completely changing life.

Alright. Well what you know already is that since the new year began I've been slowly tapering off of the Savella. It's going alright, I guess. I am noticing a real tangible increase in my stiffness, but nothing too severe. There's been some gastrointestinal stuff as well, but that's been happening in different incarnations throughout my time on the drug. And there's been moodiness, but it would be folly to blame that on anything but me being me.

But there's this giant thing that I haven't told you about. So, the Monday after the New Years break, I went into big bossman's office. In a nutshell I said, my health sucks right now and I need to work normal hours, and I can't get my work done in normal hours, and there's no one to give any work to because everyone I work with is already working like a lunatic. Of course my hope, in going into that room, was that maybe we'd, I dunno, get more help or something? It seems pretty common sense that you can't keep increasing the amount of work that you need done without ever increasing the number of people to do it. However, bossman's solution was: That job and that department will always be crazy amounts of work and crazy numbers of hours and it's never getting any more people. So what you need is a different position.

And boom, just like that, they pretty much took away my job. One that I more or less created by virtue of being who I am - except that I'm not capable of working like that anymore. At first I was totally freaked. It was kind of, "I'm officially too sick to do my job." And also because it was a total shock. But throughout last week it sunk in.

And you know what? Fine. They want to do a terrible job of managing their department? Fine. They want to put me in a different position, where I'll do less, easier work and get to work normal hours and take lunch like I'm a human being? OK. That sounds pretty cool. That sounds, in fact, like my job will no longer contribute to my illness. That's the hope, at least.

So there's the medication. And there's the job change.

I'm also trying to pick up good habits and leave bad ones behind - always a good activity for a new year, right? I got a cute (stainless steel) water bottle to keep at work, and that's encouraging me to drink a bottle of water every day. Progress! I've been focusing on eating real, whole foods - the kind you can actually identify on the end of your fork: whole vegetables, rice, beans, that kind of thing. I've been making my own hummus! Easy and awesome. And even though the test for Celiac came back negative, I've been limiting my wheat consumption - we eat way too much of that stuff here in the states.

I'm trying really, really hard to limit my intake of refined sugar. This is my devil! I've decided what I'll do is tell myself it's a weekend food - no ice cream till Saturday, for instance. That should at least cut down on what quantity I can cram into my mouth long-term. For my tea in the morning, agave nectar! It's only Tuesday and the cravings are already getting bad, but maybe it's just some kind of hump I have to get over.

Now if I could just convince myself to do the stretching thing like I'm supposed to... But you know, when I get home at night I don't want to do body things. I want to do brain things. I want to read, or blog, or hell, even play my silly Facebook games. I don't want to think about my body. But it's something I have to get over. What can I say? I'm working on it.

Also, I've decided it's important that I leave my house every day. Even when it's crazy cold and snowing or whatever, even when I don't want to. Even if it's just to go to the drug store up the block and then come right back, I have to get dressed and go out every day. Some days that's going to be really hard.

The hope is that with this new job - because, really, it is a whole new job - things will be better. Less stress, fewer hours, and really just less work. I've changed my hours so that I come in later, giving me more time to get ready in the morning: I can do things at a comfortable pace, which means less frustration. And I'll get off of work on time, giving me more time for myself in the evenings. And of course no more working on weekends. Overall, the whole thing means more time for me - for what I need to do and want to do. What a concept. :)

1 comment:

  1. The job change sounds very promising! I'm with you on the refined sugar. It's definitely a big weakness for me and I feel the change when I eat it. So far this year I've been doing pretty well with it. Eventually I need to get off that damn coffee, too.

    I really hope things get better for you. Less stress at work should definitely help!